Man this dude needs better friends
But holy crap my libido is in over drive and my sheer levels of awkward and shy mean that for the life of me I cannot find a solution.
- Computer: Monitor, display this document, okay?
- Monitor: No prob, boss.
- Computer: Okay, now it looks like the mouse is moving around. Monitor, can you move the pointer icon accordingly?
- Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
- Computer: Great, great, okay. Mouse, where are you going now?
- Mouse: Over the icon panel, sir.
- Computer: Hmm, let me know if he clicks anything, okay?
- Mouse: Of course.
- Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed Ctrl and P simultaneously.
- Monitor: Oh god, here we go.
- Computer: *sigh* Printer, are you there?
- Printer: No.
- Computer: Please, Printer, I know you're there.
- Printer: No! I'm not here! Leave me alone!
- Computer: Jesus. Okay, you really nee-
- Mouse: Sir! He's clicked on the printer icon.
- Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
- Printer: No! No! No! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!
- Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.
- Printer: No! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!
- Computer: You are not out of in-
- Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!
- Computer: *sigh* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
- Monitor: But sir, he has plen-
- Computer: Just do it, damn it!
- Monitor: Yes sir.
- Keyboard: Ahhh! He's hitting me!
- Computer: Stay calm. He'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
- Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!
- Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now? See what you've done!
- Printer: Ha! That's what you get for trying to make me do work. Next time he- hey! HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh god, he's torn out my cartridge! PLEASE! Help! Error!
- Monitor: Sir, maybe we should try to help him?
- Computer: No. He did this to himself.
Namib Desert, Namibia—Camouflaged by sand and scales, a Péringuey’s adder hunts in almost total stillness, twitching only its black tail to attract prey. When it does move, this viper slips sideways across the dunes. Photograph by Thomas Dressler